The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility
Available for $34.99 from:
The Vagrant Cantos
PO Box 1159
“Anxiety is a polluted well from which most people drink, but the clear liquor of Tranquility is our natural beverage.” The words of the Maladonian poet Butalla have offered solace to the suffering for centuries. His acolytes, the pygmy Butasi, are now mining the rare Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility to aid those who are stagnant in their search for harmony.
The diminutive Butasi recognize that worldwide serenity has decreased over the past several decades. But now our followers can rejoice because The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility offers an indispensable boost to upper levels of advanced composure. Envision the delight of scorning anxious individuals who have not yet discovered this hallowed blessing.
For an additional $34.99 an auxiliary Top Secret Mantra is also offered to our faithful members. The Top Secret Mantra guarantees not only a faster path to tranquility, but also the added benefit of hair growth.
The Pink Aperture is fashioned from Rhodonite, a rare gem embedded with sanctified elements extracted by the tiny Butasi deep in the Ural Mountains. The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility has been approved for use by 12-Step Groups worldwide and is considered the precursor to true sobriety and abstinence. Enhancement with the Top Secret Mantra promises lifelong peace and sobriety. (Warning: If painful discharge occurs, discontinue use immediately.)
Sorry, No Refunds.