Monday, May 30, 2016

Make America Smart Again





I put up the picture of a red hat with the logo “Make America Smart Again” on Facebook yesterday as a joke, but I may have been articulating a repressed hope, a long lost sense of optimism. Optimism is probably a delusion. The picture is a meme. It's Facebook. Jesus.
I am by far not a tub-thumping patriot. I'm burned out and disappointed. I still have a fairly good memory and it seems to me that a lot of people have forgotten, or are too young to remember, that there was a time, distant past, when college was pretty cheap and functional. You could actually go to school, learn stuff and graduate without lifelong debt. Higher education wasn't about cultural misappropriation, safe spaces and microaggression. I found that it was about life and how to experience it in an intelligent, satisfying way. There was good literature and great film. Really. Don’t believe me? Google it for Christ’s sake. Sure, there was racism and sexism and violence, that shit is everywhere. Things may be getting better but I’m no romantic.
When my “friends” saw the post, the picture of the stupid hat, right away a lot people were triggered and started with their knee-jerk responses. “We’re worse than Africa”. Seriously, I saw that one. “It’ll take thousands of years”. Nice over-stretch. “It’ll take more than a hat”. Honestly, is that the best you can do?
Politics.
Man, many Sanders people (so far, my people) act like it’s a crusade and they’re the first ever to be disappointed; the Clinton supporters appear arrogant, smug and affluent and Trump’s people are scared to death due to reduced educational prospects (or none at all), lack of opportunities, income inequality and bad decisions by the whores in congress. And, yes, racism.
For all the people who think America is a 100 percent totally ignorant nation, backward and primitive: Try some traveling; leave your zip code; talk to those who believe differently than you do, without being an asshole.
Also, nice way to self-negate and marginalize yourself.
I get it. Everyone thinks everybody else is not as smart as they are. I’ve been around long enough to know what I don’t know. It’s both comforting and frustrating. Of course, I may be wrong. Again. What do I know?

Monday, May 23, 2016

Sanders or Clinton



      I’m still supporting Bernie Sanders, but I note that a lot of my Berniefriends are now claiming they won’t vote for Clinton if Sanders doesn’t get the nomination.
      You guys; holy fuck. Sure, revolution, rebellion, we’re pissed off and marginalized and they lie to us. Big surprise. Is this your first goddamn election?
      Don’t you know how this works?
      For fuck’s sake, get a grip. Unless these anti-Democrat Democrats are really well off, I mean rich and settled and happy and living the good life with lots of resources, they have a hell of a lot to lose under another Republican administration.
      I don’t trust Clinton; she’s got a spotty record and she’s certainly shifty as hell, but she’s made it clear that she would try to continue Obama’s programs (which, for the most part, have been fairly enlightened).
      If Sanders loses he will have plenty of influence and his supporters will still (I hope) be fired up and leaning heavily on the establishment. Seriously, I don’t like Clinton but I could have a conversation with her. All I want to do when I hear Trump is turn his face into mush. And move to another continent.
      You don’t like racism? Why would you give a vote to Trump?
      Do you know any women or are you a woman? Do you think women will be better off with a GOP president? Jesus Christ. Welcome to 1950.
      No one knows the future, but you don’t have to be Edgar Cayce to see what’s around the bend if Sanders’ supporters don’t help secure the barricade. Plus, our image as Americans has been slightly elevated in the past 8 years under Obama. Do we really want the rest of the world see us as a circus act, to dismiss us as fat, stupid dimwits and ridicule us, again, the way they did when Bush was screwing things up and making the one percent wealthier?
      There are times when I wouldn’t mind seeing the entire system come crashing down. I could be OK with that. But it’s not likely. Not even close. And since this is my last election as a Democrat (Yeah, so long to that crap), and perhaps my last election ever, I’d like to NOT turn it over to the women-hating, racist, uneducated, heavily armed, drunk, highly crazy and ultra-angry Tea Party redneck hatefilled right-wing infection that is supporting Donald Trump.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Pepperoncini-flavored Potato Chips?

      

 Since Columbus Day has been all but eradicated (a sensible move, considering history), I suppose the advertising geniuses figured they had to soften up the Italian Americans, offer them something in return, something personal, a memory of the old country. We no longer have a holiday to celebrate our heritage, like Cinco de Mayo or St. Patrick’s Day. One day a year when we get drunk, tell stories, sing sentimental songs and beat up family members. We’re OK with the disappearance of Columbus Day, though. We are still proud of our accomplishments: Food, furniture, the RICO act.
      I don’t know why I was reminded of the fleeting nature of patriotism and culture when I saw Pepperoncini-flavored Potato Chips and I never write about food but, holy crap, that seems like a reach by the snacky industry. Over-reaching, Gluten-free, Verified non-GMO, with the phrase, “Great Taste…Naturally” on the package. Trust me, there isn’t a fucking natural thing about this.
     How many psychedelics must a person ingest to come up with an idea like Pepperoncini-flavored potato chips? Lots.
      I had to buy them. I’m the target demographic and a sucker. Opened them in the car. Sealed so tight that I almost went off the road trying to tear the bag of this tasty car snack. Taste? Nothing like pepperoncini. I like pepperoncini and I’ve got a jar in the fridge. These chips were exactly like the Sea-salt-and-Vinegar flavored ones. Slapping a picture of a pepper on a green bag and calling them Pepperoncini-flavored is not going to fool anyone with a discriminating palate. I know my pickled and preserved snackfoods, goddamnit, and these bambini are several rest stops down the autostrada from authentic pepperoncini. Don’t buy them.
     Advice for the marketing masterminds at the Kettle Corporation: some things look better on paper than on the plate.
      But big ups for making a stab at corralling stray customers who have a desire to honor their ethnicity. At least some ad wizard saw the potential for picking a few bucks from of the pockets of needy second-generation immigrants with developing eating disorders Grazie bastardi.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Percocet





First of all, for God’s sake, take your meds responsibly and don’t be a moron.
I understand that there are individuals who misuse, abuse, and don’t understand their medications. That’s a shame, I hope they don’t die, but they can be trained and it’s a problem that  can often be corrected with education. There are others who are so confused and full of self hate that they can only get through life in an altered state. I completely understand. Drinkers, dopers, gamblers, pornographers, overeaters, etc&etc. Boy, do I appreciate their predicament.
Not everyone, however, is impaired. Believe it or not, there are plenty of people who drink conscientiously, budget a bit of money for the lotto or slot machines, smoke a little weed, graze the pornsites and have an extra piece of pie on weekends. Is it wrong to seek pleasure or stimulation or excitement in a non-conventional manner? No judgment from me. That would be totally hypocritical.
We can become obsessed or addicted to almost anything. I’ll never be out of the woods.
Now headlines blast off about the Opioid Abuse Crisis in America. People are dying. Our young people, our poor young people are in jeopardy. Doctors are prescribing. Law Enforcement, courts, judges, jails, bad, bad.
This isn’t new.
I find it interesting that this “crisis” has arisen just about the time when nearly everyone agrees that Marijuana is not harmful and if legalized it may have some social and medical benefits. Legislation and government and laws and cops are 50 or 60 years behind, but thank Christ they are beginning to wake up. Not much to argue about and we’re finally allowing cannabis to be used in a healthy way and without worry or shame. Like booze.
So what do we stigmatize to take the place of weed?
How do we continue to support the monstrous, top heavy, overcharging, militarized anti-drug industry?
The DEA? The criminal justice system? Private Correctional Corporations?
The Punishment Establishment.
What will their roles be now that weed is smokeable without felonious consequences? It’s a good idea, if the industry wants to continue to maintain and increase its budget, to come up with another bogeyman, another disaster, a national disgrace and an out-of-control threat to everyone.
Pain medications.
Let’s demonize pain meds!
Lets go after the doctors and patients and pharmacists.
Call the DEA, drop a dime.
Reformulate the medications, make them harder to obtain; let’s stick our collective noses up into people’s private business. Again and again.
Change the compounds, change the shape, change the colors.
Harder to crush, break, shoot, snort.
The government will save us.
Just like they’ve saved us from drug addiction and illegal sales and manufacture and how they’ve eliminated overdoses and drug-related accidents and crime.
Now that it’s harder to get ephedrine all the meth labs have disappeared.
Right?
I’m not saying that there aren’t problems. There are always problems. Anything that can be corrupted will be corrupted, but I wonder if we’re not splattering paint with a very broad brush.
We certainly understand, don’t we, that whenever a law is passed criminals are poised to find ways around the interdiction?
When the wall is made higher, people build longer ladders.
Pain medications work. For some they are a lifesaver. If you’ve never had chronic pain, lucky you. Talk to someone who has suffered for decades. Back problems, migraines, shingles, arthritis, multiple sclerosis, nerve damage, etc&etc.
Friends have committed suicide because their pain was severe and unmanageable. Medications are a good way to live without misery while waiting for treatment. Have you tried to see a doctor lately? In some cases you can get an appointment with a specialist in a month or two, and if you need follow-up procedures you might have to wait another few weeks. Or more.
Suck it up. Meditate and use your Ibuprofen and stretching and heating pads and aspirin and chiropractors and acupuncture and reiki and crystals.
Suppose that stuff doesn’t work. It often doesn’t.
If I ask my medical practitioner for some relief am I going to have to fill out a crapload of forms, answer questions, give up more of my personal information, make more appointments with more professionals, register, have my picture taken, initial here and here and here and sign there and we’ll get back to you in a week or so and give you our decision?
I have herniated discs, goddamnit, I’m not Osama bin-fucking Laden.
It’s half of a Percocet, for shit’s sake, not an Uzi.
All those forms will be delivered to the government, a big bland office, to be reviewed by an army of civil servants, ex-TSA workers and recent college grads trying to save enough money for their own apartments. They will care as much as they are paid to care.
Agents and cops will be poised for the reports, the suspicious activity, red flags and furtive movement. We will be safe and our nation will be strong because the prescription medication crisis has ended.
Do you believe that?
I can hardly wait.