Fun With Words -- Part VIII

Language is organic and forever mutating. Years ago, after Spielberg’s big shark movie came out, a woman I worked with went to Hawaii. When she returned, a co-worker, young single mom, struggling, had never been out of town, asked her, “Did you see any Jaws when you were there?”

I loved that. “Jaws” is a better description than “Shark”. Language reflects cultural developments, evolution, or decline.

Words also take on new meaning; “gay” doesn’t necessarily mean “joyful”, “awesome” no longer means “awesome”.

Sometimes there are no definitions for our thoughts, our feelings, certain sensations. We attempt to describe what we experience but we have to settle for inaccuracies. Close, but not exact. It’s what writers deal with and some of us take pleasure in experimenting with new devices for narrative precision.

The new words are called “Neologisms”. I do it all the time.

This morning, while in the grocery store, I was standing in the produce department and I smelled something that was gross. I looked around and couldn’t identify the source. It was a cross between rotting flesh, body odor, and celery. I had no word for the smell or how it made me feel so I cleared my mind and let the first thing I thought of become the definition for that odor.

Ivanka.

Swear to God. I was delighted. Ivanka. That is the name I have given to that particular scent of decaying flesh, BO, vegetables, and now when I encounter it on public transportation or in a 12-step meeting I have a way of labeling it.

You see where I’m going.

You know that feeling you get just before you vomit when you’re all clammy and green, taking deep breaths, salivating, know full well that soon you will puke?

Pence.

“Dude was ready to hurl and he was pencing like mad. It was awesome.”

A not-very-smart guy with all kinds of money finds himself in a position of extraordinary power, realizes that no one likes him but they are afraid to criticize him, has no friends and his family will never disagree with him and he becomes childish and vengeful and suspicious?

Jong-il.

What, you had another one?

These are my words. Make up your own.

Why We Hate -- Part 14

United Airlines calls to cops to haul a passenger off a plane because the guy adamantly didn’t want to give up his seat so that some United employees who arrived late to the airport and missed their connection could fly to their next destination. UAL’s mistake, their error, became the passengers’ responsibility when the customers were asked to “voluntarily” give up their seats because the airline had “overbooked”. Overbooking is some deep disrespect to the consumer. A few of the passengers, instead of hijacking the plane, left and waited for a later flight while this one dude says, “Hell no.” The poor bastard paid for a service and entered into an, apparently, complicated contract with the airlines and as a result of his alleged behavior he is manhandled, bloodied and dragged off the plane by the goonsquad.

There is so much to this story: Race, Class, Entitlement, Police Misconduct, Incompetency, Corporate Arrogance, and they are part of the overall narrative. Meanwhile, what struck me is that the CEO of United, Oscar Munoz, continues to defend the airline and says that “policy” allowed for the passenger to be removed by force; not ethics, not respect, not even the fact that the dude had paid for his ticket in good faith, but “policy”.

I wasn’t on the plane and the passenger may have been an asshole. I’m not defending him. I know for a fact that there are an almost infinite number of ways to de-escalate a volatile and aggressive situation and I believe that physical violence should not necessarily be the first option.

CEO Munoz, however, makes $6.7 million a year in salary and compensation and there are some things he hasn’t figured out yet.

Six million seven hundred thousand dollars and:

He doesn’t know what it’s like to fly on one of his dicked up, overcrowded, overbooked, insulting, unfriendly, threatening, incompetent, undependable and uncomfortable airplanes.

He is a member of a financial class that has been branded as the enemy of normal, common, working class, overburdened and oppressed men and women. Income inequality is real as hell.

Following dubious policy isn’t necessarily the right thing to do.

He has no credibility.

Oscar’s income may give him an illusion of authority but real people don’t give a shit about what he says because we really don’t care about rich people any more. Those days are ending; the days when money was respected and we assumed that the person with the fat paycheck had earned it and as a result we valued their contribution.

Nope.

Bullshit. We don’t trust Oscar and his buddies (many who are currently serving in government).

It doesn’t matter what actually transpired on the United Airlines flight that was “overbooked” because wealthy people are no longer trustworthy and their word is not reliable.

It’s a new world, everything is on film, professional journalism isn’t keeping up and we are making our judgments based on flimsy cellphone videos. I’m not in favor of all of that stuff because there are too many variables and it’s easy to manipulate the evidence.

But goddamnit, Oscar Munoz, revered CEO of United Airlines, is digging himself and his entire class of self-certified financial overlords into a deeper and deeper pit.

Read some history. Buy regular shoes. Fly coach. 

Missing the point can be fatal.

America's New Daddy

America, as represented by The Statue of Liberty and Columbia, is maternal. The presidency has, thus far, always been paternal (see: Mt. Rushmore and all the goddamn men who have ever occupied the White House).

Now, every four or eight years mom gets bored, tired of dad’s bullshit and she files for divorce. She dumps the old man and begins shopping around for someone different. We, the children, get to help her choose our new daddy. Mom gives us a list of possibilities and lets us vote on whom we want to drive us to soccer practice, teach us to fish, pay the mortgage and hire the help. Once in a while a woman’s name appears on the list, but so far the USA has not been willing to consider the idea of a mommy at the head of the table. Sad, but true.

Barack Obama was a cool dad, wasn’t he? He was African American and representative, funny, smart, hip, could hang, and he treated us with respect and some of us were super stoked to finally have a pop who liked decent music and acted like he cared about our welfare.

Still, mom wanted a fresh husband. Mom sometimes makes mistakes.

A few of our stepbrothers and sisters hated Barack. They were furious because he was black, he was too young, too smart, too good looking, treated mom as an equal, and looked better than we do in a swimming suit. They made fun of him and tried to trick him and a few of the assholes actually called for him to be put in jail or executed. I hate a lot of my stepbrothers and sisters. Stupid bullies.

The Stupid Bullies wanted a dad who was white and barked orders and made people behave. Mommy agreed and picked a really different guy than Barack. The opposite of Barack. We don’t know why the fuck mommy ever decided that this asshole was going to be our new daddy, he was kind of a clown, but he was also super rich and we figured, “Fuck it. Maybe he’ll buy us a new bike or take us to Disneyland.”

Right?

Well, nope, he’s turned out to be somewhat abusive, not smart at all, and it looks like mom is having second thoughts. We saw him naked and it was disgusting. She knows she’s stuck with him.

We miss Barack. He was fun, could tell a joke, a decent guy, and we miss him a lot. Some of us wonder if mom is losing it. We really want our old daddy back but we know that we have to live with the new guy, the big flabby shithead who doesn’t get us at all.

And I don’t think he’s going to take us to Disneyland.