I was at the doctor’s office today. I was pretty sure I had
Zika but it was only a cough, sore throat. I got the usual: Antibiotics that
probably won’t do anything and some prescription cough suppressant that will
definitely do “something”. Plus it helps with a cough.
While sitting in that petri dish they call a waiting room, I
thought about my mother. Agnes De Patta. She died three years ago this week.
She was a lifelong hardcore liberal Democrat, took no shit and had a dark side
that I appreciated. She was 96.
Each day I try to get in a workout. Most days I’m OK, but if I
skip a few then I’m off my schedule and feel like a slacker, fat, old, soon to
die. I eat well but I binge once a week. Or twice. So, guilt and self-loathing,
overweight, blood sugar, cholesterol and all the attendant morbid effects of
debauchery.
I know debauchery. Well.
I try to take care of myself, I don’t smoke and
haven’t had a drink in over 20 years, stopped the weed and the pills and the
coke and staying out late and sneaking down dark alleys.
But there is something missing.
Looking back, I try to remember what my mom did to stay fit
and healthy for over 90 years.
Weight: She was always about 40
pounds overweight. Five feet four and 180 lbs. give or take a few inches and a
few pounds.
Smoking: Started smoking at 16 and
stopped at 76. She had a heart attack a few months after she quit and thought
that was ironic. Still, 60 years of smoking and she lived another 20.
Alcohol: Not a heavy drinker. I think I only saw her rough a couple of
times. She liked a drink around 5 p.m., sometimes a couple. No big.
Diet: Anything that didn’t bite
back. She liked butter and loved sugary desserts.
Exercise: You’re kidding, right? She
hated walking from her room to the front door when I visited her. Hated it and
said so. She walked from her room to her car; that was the longest trip on
foot. She drove until she was 95 and didn’t kill anyone that we know of.
She was smart and articulate until the end. Didn’t mind a
good argument. Enjoyed provoking the old conservatives at the residence.
I’m may adopt her program. It worked for 96 years and I consider that successful.
Respect.
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