The Sacred Ivory Portal to Soporific Bliss

The Sacred Ivory Portal to Soporific Bliss

Send $34.99 to:
PO Box 1159
Taos, NM
87571

Originally discovered by the Ahutalatay People of the Middle Kingdom in 300 BC, the Sacred Ivory Portal to Soporific Bliss embraces the ancient secret to rejuvenation and perfect repose.

Every living person over the age of 50 has expressed their powerlessness to achieve a deep, beneficial night of transformational sleep. Fret no more, faithful insomniacs. The Sacred Ivory Portal to Soporific Bliss guarantees a full, peaceful eight hours of slumber to each and every devotee.

For an additional $34.99 you will receive the Blessed Top Secret Mantra that guarantees immediate activation of The Sacred Ivory Portal to Soporific Bliss. Achieve unconsciousness by next week. What have you to lose except your lassitude?

Sorry, no refunds. Namaste.

The Jade Gate to Eternal Youth

The Jade Gate to Eternal Youth

$34.99 plus shipping and handling:

The Vagrant Cantos
PO Box 1159
Taos, NM
87571

For an additional $34.99 we will send the Top Secret Meditation that accelerates the holy properties of the Sacred Jade Gate to Eternal Youth.

Anti-aging will commence within one month upon receipt of the Sacred Jade Gate to Eternal Youth.

Daily chanting of the Top Secret Meditation will speed the effects.
A youthful appearance, higher energy and increased libido will begin to manifest within 24 hours.

Sorry, no refunds. Namaste.